You Are Successful, Smart and Introspective… Here’s Why You Still Need a Coach

A friend recently asked me, “If someone is already successful, smart and introspective, couldn’t they see how they are self-sabotaging and make adjustments on their own without a coach?” This is a common and completely valid question.

The answer of course is… possibly! But not necessarily. 

Pro athletes, CEOs, master chefs, politicians, therapists, musicians, artists, famous actors, architects, etc., all have mentors, teachers, coaches and gurus. The question is not whether or not you need a figure in your life to help guide, support and push you, but rather, what kind of role does that figure play and for what reason?

When you work with a mentor or coach, you’re assigning someone to the role of providing accountability, objective feedback, micro—and sometimes macro—adjustments, encouragement and clarity. 

Friends and family will often unconditionally support you in almost any endeavor you pursue. The issue here, however, is that we often withhold a ton of context pertaining to our struggles. The reason being, you don’t want them to worry when you’re uncertain, to take pity when you’re hurting, or feel anxious when you’re stressed. So you report mostly successes and optimism. If you’re comfortable and close enough, you might report some obstacles you face, but often only the superficial ones that have simpler solutions, still putting their minds at ease. 

The point is, you paint a different picture of your hardships. When was the last time you opened up to your dad about your repeated patterns of self-sabotage through drinking too much? Or confiding in your friend about procrastinating to avoid the discomfort of doubt and fear surrounding the unknown future? When was the last time you told your closest co-worker that despite your cushy job with good pay and a challenging workload, it still isn’t enough for you? And even if you have had these conversations, are you lucky enough to get the insight you need to push through these obstacles? If so, great! I’m not talking to you.

For those less-fortunate, let’s continue. Believe me, I get it! No one wants to burden those they care about with the weight of their problems. But not every struggle stems from deep-seated trauma that needs to be addressed through I.F.S. or therapeutic rage fantasies. It therefore becomes easier to bury the less “dramatic” obstacles and carry onward. However, the more you repress these feelings from the world, the heavier they become and the less-likely you are to push past them towards a higher purpose. Your ego then begins to use justification for stagnation, skewing your perspective and convincing you you’re okay and content, when somewhere deep down, you’re really not.

Working with a coach levels the playing field by providing someone in your life who can actually have the conversation surrounding self-sabotage; calling it out where they see it arising. Through tribal knowledge, a mentor can show you methods of approach you may not have already seen. A therapist can probe deeply into past traumas that have subtly—and sometimes not-so-subtly—shaped the person you are today, addressing these parts to put you on a path of healing. A guru can give you profound clarity and insight that enriches you mentally and spiritually; connecting you to a higher self. 

All of these roles have incredible impact on evolving into the people we want to become. The question to ask yourself is what type of guide best suits you, your personality and your current needs? Keeping in mind always, that there is no wrong answer. There’s also no finite limit to your support system. Many professionals have therapists, mentors AND coaches, working in conjunction with one another to round them out holistically. After all, a master chef doesn’t just learn one type of cuisine, but pulls inspiration, flair and flavor from many over the course of their career.

Successful people can feel like failures. Smart people can feel stupid. Talented people can feel like hacks. Geniuses can feel trite. Wealthy people can feel unfulfilled. It’s called being a human fucking being, and it’s not always as easy as it looks form the outside.